The Random Ramblings of Lauren

There are many, many reasons why people apologise. Sometimes people apologise to clear their conscience, or to admit guilt. Sometimes people apologise to settle an argument, or to shut someone up. Sometimes people apologise in order to appear remorseful or to demonstrate a change of heart. Sometimes people apologise because it's easier than dealing with the issue, or because they know others won't. And sometimes, people apologise simply because they've been an ass. The problem with apologies is that the longer you leave them, the harder they become. Whether it be friends, family, partners or strangers - failing to deal with the problem and admit responsibility can be toxic. Feelings of guilt or resentment fester like open wounds, growing infected in your ignorance, turning putrid and black the more you try to ignore or dismiss them. Eventually, you can find yourself in a position where you have left it so long that it would be easier to simply remove the limb, than i...

Here's something a little bit different for you today, my dear readers. This is not a deeply happy post, nor a deeply sad one. It is not an opinion piece on current events or on my twisted perceptions of life. It's not a post about falling in love, or falling out of it.  Instead, it's a simple thank you. Because I realised that, no matter how many people read these blogs or even care about what I have to say, there is always somebody out there listening. And that's pretty amazing. I'm so grateful for each and every person who takes a minute out of their day to read the random ramblings I somehow scramble into words on paper. I hope you realise how much it means to me. And I'd love to know more about you all... I've noticed over the past few months, and having learnt more about page analytics, that there seems to be some readers that consistently come back to my page. And if that's you, why not pop me a message? Let's be friends? No pressure, but this...

People talk. Every single second of every day, millions of us talk. The world is alive with conversation. It buzzes with the energy of words across every corner of our planet, from hushed whispers to assertive shouts, from drunken slurs to hummed rhymes and everything in between. With all the languages, accents, sociolect and idiolect in the world, we talk. The power and potential of language is truly limitless. It exceeds our wildest imagination.  With words we teach, we learn, we share, we confide, we fight, we make-up, we express, we create, we explore, we imagine, we advise, we support, we debate, we challenge, we lead, we promise, we confess, we lie, we forgive, we fall in love, we live... Without words, we would be nothing. And with them, we can be anything. Our language provides each and every one of us with the golden opportunity to find our own way, to form our own path, to make our own mind up. And, even better, we are granted the freedom of...

It's a new year, and so once again comes the time to promise yourself this year you'll be; thinner, happier, healthier, wealthier, better. We resolve to be improved versions of ourselves, but our best selves are right here waiting, and hoping, and praying, to be seen. This year, why not save your promises, and instead allow yourself, just this once, the freedom to be entirely, unashamedly, and unapologetically you. Because you are loved just as you are. You never needed to change you just needed to see how incredible you truly are. Happy New Year. Thanks for reading, over and out...

I dislike mirrors. They taunt me with all the ways I will never be the person I so desperately yearn to see. I thought I was beautiful. People used to tell me so. But looking back at me is a stranger I do not know. When did I get so pale?  So fat? So exhausted? So broken? I hate mirrors. I avoid them at all costs. But more than anything, I hate the person I have become. So I'll avoid mirrors, until the day comes that I can accept my reflection or change my perception.

So, hello again! I guess I've been away a while, haven't I? I never intended to leave, but then again, I never intended to start a blog in the first place. Alas, it seems that I got out of the habit of using writing to help me process and deal with the trials and tribulations of daily existence. I found myself not dealing with things, or dealing with things in the wrong way, and it was only when I realised this that I remembered what the sense of calm and joy I found in writing. I lost the power of my voice, or rather, I allowed someone else to take it from me. I allowed someone to make me believe I had no voice and no power at all. So I've not been speaking my truth for quite a while. I've forgotten the power and potential of words, and how they help give meaning to life. But I'm back. And I'm sorry it's been a while. But I'm intending to stick around for the foreseeable. And if you're reading this, I guess that means that you hung around, or you...

I am a fighter. Every day, I fight little battles. Battles against prejudice, battles against ignorance, battles against pressures, battles against judgement, battles against habits, battles against other people. But mostly, I fight battles against myself. And those, my friends, are the biggest battles of all. Because you see, can never win a battle against yourself. No matter what the outcome, a part of you will always feel disappointed. Even if you fight to do what you think is right, it might not be what you want. Or you fight for what you want, even if you know it's not exactly right. In other words, a part of you will always lose. And here lies my problem... I hate to lose. I fight against myself, and yet I know whatever the outcome I won't be completely happy. Because I am a fighter. And I fight to win. But how can you win a battle against yourself? In the battle between what you want and what you need, how can you ever come out on top? How can you ...