Sorry, I've been AWOL...

So, hello again!

I guess I've been away a while, haven't I?

I never intended to leave, but then again, I never intended to start a blog in the first place.

Alas, it seems that I got out of the habit of using writing to help me process and deal with the trials and tribulations of daily existence.

I found myself not dealing with things, or dealing with things in the wrong way, and it was only when I realised this that I remembered what the sense of calm and joy I found in writing.

I lost the power of my voice, or rather, I allowed someone else to take it from me.

I allowed someone to make me believe I had no voice and no power at all. So I've not been speaking my truth for quite a while. I've forgotten the power and potential of words, and how they help give meaning to life.

But I'm back.

And I'm sorry it's been a while.

But I'm intending to stick around for the foreseeable.

And if you're reading this, I guess that means that you hung around, or you're back too.

So thank you, that means more to me than I could ever say or you could ever know.

Things might be a little weird whilst I figure out what I'm doing and get back into the habit of expressing myself through words.

In the meantime, let's figure it out together.

Thanks for reading, over and out...

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Sinking Ships

Can somebody please tell me how to fix this sinking ship? Because I'm exhausted. I've given my all to bailing out these frigid waters, fighting against the relentless surge. I waste every breath, every thought, every effort, to confining an endless tide. I cannot stop. But I'll drown out here, cold and alone, if I don't pause, find the source and fix this broken vessel. So teach me how to plug the gap before it kills me.

Her

She has the kind of face to write poetry about. To spill words like ink on page after page, searching for a way to describe it. And yet, there are never enough words. Their meaning, feels meaningless. I could travel to the furthest reaches of every continent. Dive to the deepest depths of the seven seas, or soar to dizzying heights above the tallest trees. And yet, the world would feel dull, in comparison to her. Even in a thousand lifetimes, hard as I try, I wouldn't ever find a single sight more beautiful than her face, nor a string of words capable of capturing that beauty. Because nothing has ever or will ever be more beautiful to me, than her.

I'm sorry...

So, over the past few months or so I've been trying to figure out how to write this post, to talk about the end of my five-year relationship. The intention was to clear my head of this swirling mass of thoughts, and attempt to find some clarity. But, every time I ended up writing, this post got longer and more difficult. So I put it off, I avoided it, and I stressed about how on earth I would ever manage to translate my thoughts into words. However, I refused to give in, because part of me believed that once I could get this confusing tangle of emotion out of my head and into words, I would finally be at peace. So, one sentence at a time, as the days and weeks and months stretched on, I managed to string together this rambling mess of thoughts. And in the end, it just turned into an apology. To myself, to those around me, and more than anything, to the girl who all of this began with. So, here goes... Do you ever feel like the longer time passes, the further from yourself yo...

The Random Ramblings of Lauren

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