The Random Ramblings of Lauren

 I am slowly learning that for a long time, and all too often, I accept (or even embrace) so much less than I deserve because fuck it, could be worse, right? But I cannot measure my expectations of others on the pains of my past, or the possibility of something worse. I deserve more. I did then, and I certainly do now. So I won't be  merciful to toxicity, negativity, or inferiority. Give me what I deserve, or step aside and let someone else. Because I know my worth. And you better believe I won't settle for less.

I lost myself to love, once. And I promised, next time would be different. I found myself after so long, estranged, and I swore I wouldn't lose myself to loving someone else. But then, I met you. And I never expected it, but you showed me... Loving yourself and loving someone else aren't mutually exclusive. Loving me and loving you are one and the same. So I will never lose myself to you. I am myself, because of you.

I find solace in the water. Be it lake, river, ocean, or sea, there is no place I would rather be. It is the air to my lungs, the beating of my heart, the soothing of my soul. So I live and love and find peace and home in the water. And when all others have left, the water remains by my side ever constant, ever faithful, ever flowing.

 Something buried deep within me is broken. But that doesn't mean I am broken. Somewhere hidden in the labyrinth of my body is a sickness. But that doesn't mean I am sick. Sometimes I hide the fear and pain so others don't see my weakness. But that doesn't mean I am weak.  I will not be defined by the flaws under my surface. I am greater than the sum of my parts. I will mend, and heal, and grow, stronger and more powerful than ever before. Watch this space.

 I wish the world would quit telling us to wait, and hope, and pray, that one day Prince Charming will ride in on his white horse to rescue us. That our saviour will come, sweep us off our feet, and we'll live happily ever after. Stop preaching that we need liberating from our mundane, pitiful existence. That we are only complete in the arms of another. A sickening self-fulfilling prophecy of heroes and damsels.  We don't need to be rescued. I will be my own damn hero. I'll save  myself from this twisted narrative. And I'll love me better than anyone else ever could... Happily ever after.