The Random Ramblings of Lauren

I lost myself to love, once. And I promised, next time would be different. I found myself after so long, estranged, and I swore I wouldn't lose myself to loving someone else. But then, I met you. And I never expected it, but you showed me... Loving yourself and loving someone else aren't mutually exclusive. Loving me and loving you are one and the same. So I will never lose myself to you. I am myself, because of you.

I never really had a home. A space to be safe, or to call my own. I flitter and fleet from place to place, never still for long enough to settle and stay. So I have never felt the anxious unease, nor the gnawing nostalgia of being homesick. But perhaps a home isn't always a place. Maybe my home is in you. Because the longing for your arms around me, your skin against my fingertips, your intoxicating scent, and the taste of your lips... It sure feels like I'm homesick. So take me home.

They say patience is a virtue. They say good things come to those who wait. But I do not know how much longer I can hold back from the inevitability of you. I have never cared for rush or haste. I live my life at my own steady pace. But why do we insist on waiting for something good  to begin? We are wasting precious time, watching on the side lines, as our defining moment passes us by. Can we just let ourselves go? Stop pressing pause on this epic tale that lies ahead. Because I want you. All of you. And I 'm impatient for us to begin. There is no time like the present and there is no feeling like loving you. So let's jump right in...

I find solace in the water. Be it lake, river, ocean, or sea, there is no place I would rather be. It is the air to my lungs, the beating of my heart, the soothing of my soul. So I live and love and find peace and home in the water. And when all others have left, the water remains by my side ever constant, ever faithful, ever flowing.

 Something buried deep within me is broken. But that doesn't mean I am broken. Somewhere hidden in the labyrinth of my body is a sickness. But that doesn't mean I am sick. Sometimes I hide the fear and pain so others don't see my weakness. But that doesn't mean I am weak.  I will not be defined by the flaws under my surface. I am greater than the sum of my parts. I will mend, and heal, and grow, stronger and more powerful than ever before. Watch this space.

Love is the purest pleasure. It should never be hurtful or selfish. But maybe, in loving you, I was selfish. Because I wanted more... More time. More love. More you. More us. I finally felt the spark, of what could be and I yearned to burn with it. To set the world alight with the wildfire of us. But truly selfless love expects nothing in return. Loving someone else means helping them to love themselves. Even if it means pulling away... Letting the flames flicker and die to embrace the cold and build fires of our own. Because love should never be selfish.

 I wish the world would quit telling us to wait, and hope, and pray, that one day Prince Charming will ride in on his white horse to rescue us. That our saviour will come, sweep us off our feet, and we'll live happily ever after. Stop preaching that we need liberating from our mundane, pitiful existence. That we are only complete in the arms of another. A sickening self-fulfilling prophecy of heroes and damsels.  We don't need to be rescued. I will be my own damn hero. I'll save  myself from this twisted narrative. And I'll love me better than anyone else ever could... Happily ever after.