The Random Ramblings of Lauren

Promise me not to waste your time, or mine, with pointless pleasantries or foolish niceties. Give me the harsh, brutal, truth. Let me find comfort in the reality of your honesty, instead of numbness  in the fairy tale of your lies. I would much rather the bitter sting swallowing a harsh pill, than to choke on the sickly syrup of honeyed words.  Speak your truth.

I am a fraud. A fake. A great pretender. I fill my days with the never-ending battle of maintaining the foolish façade of my existence. I feed on confidence and admiration from the perception of others. But they do not know me. They do not meet the monster within. She is a torture which only I must endure. I hide her away, ashamed of the darkness and the decay. I have become accustomed to her sneering voice of doubt and malice, gnawing away at the back of my mind. I'm an expert at pretending to be a person that I wish I was. I'm not sure when it began, but I know exactly how it will end. And only once it does, will everyone see the fraud that lies within me.

Sometimes it's good to be underestimated. Sometimes it's good to let people believe you are blind to their misconceptions or ill intentions.  After all, the only thing you can do is exceed expectations and show people how wrong they were. The good thing about holding your tongue when someone messes you about or assumes less of you, is that they presume that you are either unaware of their transgression, or lacking the assertion to deal with it accordingly. They fall into a false security of confidence and untruths, comforted by their own arrogance. But you're not as small, or as weak, or as stupid, or as easy as they think you are. And biding your time does not make you stupid or scared. It makes you strong, and patient, and wise, and courageous. You're not ignoring the problem, you're waiting for the right moment to shine. Because one day, the time will come to prove your worth. To show the world exactly who you are and what you can do. When that day comes, boy are...

 My life is an oxymoron. Fragments of me held together only by the fragile balance of its counterparts. I am all too many things at once. A wise brain and a foolish heart. An insatiable wanderlust and a dedication to home. A restless personality and a lazy body. An independent mind, and a hopeless romantic. A sense of adventure, and a fear of the unknown. A care free spontaneity, and a meticulous overthinker. A natural charisma, and a social awkwardness. A young at heart and an old soul. I am too many things all at once. Yet, like a perfect storm I maintain a balance that would shatter  with the slightest shift. I am an oxymoron. Thanks for reading, over and out...

The thing is about life, is that eventually everything returns to the ground. Life is temporary. It's fragile. It's fleeting. The living do not get the privilege of staying on this Earth. Like shooting stars, we enjoy a brief window of opportunity to burn brightly, but all too soon we are gone. A unique and dazzling burst of raw energy, a chance to show the world what we can truly do, before we fade into darkness. But here are some things we can leave behind that will never be lost or forgotten. Some things in life are granted the timeless beauty and grace of immortality. They linger like last breaths, faint whispers of everlasting conviction, long after we have departed this world. It is our choices, our actions - and above all, our words - that distinguish us, that build memories and create legacies in our brief moments of existence. Whilst our looks fade, our bodies age, our senses fail and our surroundings evolve into a dull blur - it is our words that live on to inspire h...

Life is strange, really. Without noticing it, we slowly find yourself adapting and evolving with every passing hour.  The way we think, speak, and believe; our wants and needs and desires; they all change as we grow. So much so, that the person we once were becomes a faded memory. The things you once held so dear, suddenly seem trivial. Your likes and dislikes, out of nowhere fade into mundane disinterest. Your little idiosyncrasies, come and go like waves. Bumps in the road pale into specks in the rear view mirror, the further you travel. Because you advance with your surroundings. Like a river, your direction ebbs and flows and meanders along, picking up pace as you rumble over gushing rapids, and dragging peacefully as you laze through the tranquillity of life. If you don't take the time to stop and think, you neglect to notice that the very core of your being is evolving into a whole new you. And so, every now and again, you allow yourself the opportunity...

How can I give myself to you when my heart already belongs to the beauty and wonder of travel? How can I promise you my life, my future, my world, when it doesn't belong  to me? I lost my heart to the adventure of this wonderful world a long time ago. Please do not wait  or hope for that to change. It isn't a temporary romance or a fleeting fling. I cannot be yours. I have married myself to wanderlust. And we shall live happily ever after.