Down the Rabbit Hole...

I think I've fallen down the rabbit hole.

I'm not sure how long I've been in this dark and unknown place, but I know it's not where I belong.

Like slowly, sluggishly waking up for a dream, I'm starting to notice that this isn't right. It isn't real.

I've been living in a fantasy, trying to convince myself that up is down and wrong is right.

I've been clinging to the slightest shred of happiness or normality, convincing myself that it's enough.

I've been wasting my every breath to chase foolish fantasies, giving my all to maintain a fallacy.

And I've done it for so long, that I've forgotten that any other reality exists.

When did I last feel "normal"?

Is my entire self-worth so pointlessly ruled by the fleeting moments of hope, in a cruel and ruthless ocean of despair?

Hopelessly, desperately scrambling to be the person I paint myself to be every day.

To maintain the story that everyone around me is so desperate to read.

Hiding the monster away, hoping the world doesn't see I'm a fraud.

All too accustomed to the nothingness, the numb, of a lie.

But no longer.

I'm awake now.

My eyes are open, and my heart burns with the fires of desire for something more.

Instead of seeking meaning in the madness of wonderland, I'll embrace the unknown.

And climb out of the rabbit hole.

After all...

What does love matter when life is a fleeting fantasy?

Why chase happiness when every breath is a battle?

What does the perception of others matter, when your own perception is broken?

Who needs passion, when they're suffocating and dying in a world that isn't even real?

Fuck it.

At last, I'll break from the shackles of 'what if' and regret.

I'll crawl back to the place I once knew, I once ran from.

At least in this bleak reality, I won't waste every day hating the fictional character I've become.

I'll take the chance on an unknown, in a world that is harsh and cold and cruel.

But it's a world where I belong, where I was made to be.

And for the first time in forever, I'll be free.

I'll be me.

Thanks for reading, over and out.

Comments

The Truth.

Promise me not to waste your time, or mine, with pointless pleasantries or foolish niceties. Give me the harsh, brutal, truth. Let me find comfort in the reality of your honesty, instead of numbness in the fairy tale of your lies. I would much rather the bitter sting swallowing a harsh pill, than to choke on the sickly syrup of honeyed words. Speak your truth.

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