Adapting and Evolving through Life.

Life is strange, really.

Without noticing it, we slowly find yourself adapting and evolving with every passing hour. The way we think, speak, and believe; our wants and needs and desires; they all change as we grow. So much so, that the person we once were becomes a faded memory. The things you once held so dear, suddenly seem trivial. Your likes and dislikes, out of nowhere fade into mundane disinterest. Your little idiosyncrasies, come and go like waves. Bumps in the road pale into specks in the rear view mirror, the further you travel.

Because you advance with your surroundings. Like a river, your direction ebbs and flows and meanders along, picking up pace as you rumble over gushing rapids, and dragging peacefully as you laze through the tranquillity of life. If you don't take the time to stop and think, you neglect to notice that the very core of your being is evolving into a whole new you.

And so, every now and again, you allow yourself the opportunity to look back at how you were, compared to how you are now. And suddenly you are faced with the realisation that not only are you not the same person you were before, but it seems likely you ever will be again.

More often than not, that can be amazing. The majority of the time, it comes as a glimmer of hope that the troubles you faced in your past are now shadows of an older version of you. You have learnt, you have evolved, and you have grown into a better person because of it. You can look back and smile, reassured in the knowledge that you are becoming a stronger person with experience.

But occasionally, you become blind sided by the unsettling fact that along the way, you have lost a part of you once held so dear. Without conscious thought or intent, you seem to have neglected a trait or characteristic which was once a source of great pride and self-belief. Whether that be your independence, confidence, level-handedness, your trust, belief, determination, your focus, or whatever it is you value... Losing that comes at a huge cost. Because, without fully noticing, you have become accustomed to living as a fragment of your true potential. Like a river, breaking off and slowly dwindling in power and perseverance, deteriorating into a stream, allowing itself to be pushed to and fro with little resistance.

And that, my friends, is a difficult dilemma. I guess my real question here (if I ever have one) is this...

How should one cope when adapting and evolving through the dangerous territory we call life? When we grow and mature, and experience teaches us the reality of life, how do you recognise when that change is for the better or worse? How do we know if we are growing into improved versions of ourself to become stronger... Or blindly fumbling our way down dangerous pathways towards darkness? How do we know if we are really happy with the person we are right now, or if we just think we are because our brains tell us that this is the way we must be now? And when we do stumble, and drop a part of who we are, is it ever possible to fight your way up-stream to get it back?

Because life is strange.

You can be perfectly content with your lot in life, happily idling along your own little road with blissful disregard. When out of nowhere, you find yourself completely derailed, spinning uncontrollably out of orbit, clinging frantically to any shred of sense or direction. And why? Because something, or someone, introduces a whole new dimension to your world. And in those manic moments of disarray, it becomes clear that you will never be the same again.

Let me add some context, if you'll allow me... Let's take relationships...

Now, in all honesty I'm not particularly one for relationships. If anyone reading this has perchance read any previous blogs, you might know that I tend to be resistant in trusting people. And for good reason. Because I believe that placing your heart - your emotions, dependence, likes and dislikes, secrets and baggage, everything that makes you who you are - in the hands of one other person, is a dangerous and potentially soul-destroying tactic. Especially if (like me) you fall in love hard and fast. Because with all the good faith and hope in the world, the fact still remains that there are over 7 billion people on this planet. And statistically speaking, the chances of falling for the wrong person is very high. To cut a long story short, I'm dubious about relationships.

But every now and again, you meet someone who is just the right concoction of daring, brilliant, persistent, trustworthy and compatible, and you find yourself shifting. Your opinions change. Something you once believed so strongly, now seems comically narrow-minded. Meaningless, almost. So you take a chance. You take a leap of faith. And you allow yourself to be swept along with the wave, into a whole new direction.

And sometimes that can be amazing. You get caught up in the momentum and ride that wave clear into the horizon. But sometimes, you tumble and fall. That wave you once thought was your saviour, quickly becomes your enemy. And as you fight to stay afloat, choking and spluttering, battered by each rolling wave, it hits you... You've lost yourself...

Life is strange like that.

But the only question is, would you rather take the risk on the unknown, knowing you might get lost on the way? Or do you play it safe, follow your approved road and blinker yourself to any opportunity for change? And how do we know the true meaning of happiness, if we censor ourselves from potential pain? How do we hold on to what's dear, without first letting go of something else before it?

I wish this was a question I could answer, my dear readers. I wish this post was a controversial yet daring insight to the great question of 'what if'. But alas, the salient fact still remains, I do not have all the answers. Only the questions. And the unfortunate mindset that allows me to ponder such thoughts with unyielding intensity into the early hours of the morning.

For now, I'll let you ponder this one by yourselves. Sorry if this post wasn't quite what you were expecting! I assure you, it didn't pan out as I was intending when I started either! But I guess, like life, you follow the ebb and flow and trust that you'll end up where you need to be in the end.

Thanks for reading, over and out...