Anything is Possible...

Hello bloggersphere!

If any of you saw my last post, and are currently expecting this to be my tell-all insight to the disaster zone that is my life, then I'm sorry. But it's not. I will get round to growing a pair and posting it, I promise! But in the mean time, I wanted to share a recent revelation...

Because I've realised I have this pretty huge character flaw, and it's one that is proving rather detrimental. For you see, I'm incapable of comprehending the true hopelessness or impossibility of a situation.

Allow me to elaborate...

When I was a child, my amazing and inspiring father insisted that there was nothing in the world I couldn't achieve, if only I wanted it enough. In fact, it was encouraged and enforced as a mindset so often, that before long it became a game. Young, naïve Lauren would try and think of ridiculous, insane and impossible scenarios, and my dad would respond by hypothesising ways to make such scenarios possible.

For example, the eight year old version of me, upon hearing "You can do anything if you try", cockily responded that "I couldn't feed a dinosaur to a mouse!". In turn, my dad pointed out that I could, if I were to freeze-dry the dinosaur, or place it in a giant blender, and fed it to the mouse over its entire lifetime.

The idea was that with the right determination, creative thinking, time, and resources, anything is possible. And so, it was this whacky, outlandish type of thinking that has led to my current problem.

I've always had trouble with aiming higher (often higher than my own capability) and then becoming disappointed when I fail to meet these elevated expectations. Throughout education, sports, socially, with writing, self-opinion, and all other aspects of my life, I assume the best. I despise the concept of failure, in fact it doesn't even register as a real possibility. Because if you want something badly enough, you will work your fingers to the bone until you achieve it. And if you don't, then you clearly never wanted it enough in the first place.

That's often the case. I'll find a way to make things work out, and if they don't then it just wasn't important enough for me. Even when unfathomable barriers stand in my way, and a situation looks hopeless, more often than not I'll eventually work out a way to fix things. Because that's what I have always been taught... You can achieve anything if you want it enough, if you are determined enough.

So when something terrible happened to me a few months ago - stripping me of my confidence, my self-worth, my social skills and my ability to even cope with things normally - I nearly fail university. In fact, I nearly fail at continuing to exist.

But, thanks to the way my brain works, I refuse to accept failure. I appeal, I fight, I exhaust every avenue to get a second chance and carry on going. Because that's the only option.

So, when I meet someone who I end up falling for, even though we live half a world away, the situation seems completely plausible and the possibility of us being together isn't an issue. Because there are always ways, and I'm confident that if someone wants something enough, they can tackle any obstacle.

But here's the problem...

Sometimes, it's not down to you. Sometimes, you find yourself in situations when it's not you who gets to make that choice, and find a way to make things work. There are times in life when you can't be the person who controls whether something is a success or a failure, and you have to rely on others. It might be family, friends, partners, co-workers, public servants, random strangers, and everyone in between. You have to trust that someone else wants the same thing, and is determined enough to do anything to make that happen.

Unfortunately, that's not always the case.

So, I'm proposing and attempting to establish a new mind-set.

I still believe that you should never, ever limit yourself because something seems impossible. I still believe that if you are truly passionate about something, if it means enough to you, then you should risk fighting for it. The difference is that now I know, there are times in life where it doesn't matter how hard you fight. If someone else won't fight too, then you're going to lose.

It's like being out in a boat with somebody, with a couple of paddles and a horizon of crystal blue water. If you work together and each row in tune, then you can find yourself hurtling towards something pretty magical. But if you're still pulling for something, when the other side has grown tired, then you'll find yourself going in circles. The harder you work, the worse it will get, until you find yourself sore and exhausted.

Here's my advice:

Work for what you want. Don't ever be put off by the hopelessness of your situation. But at the same time, accept the fact that there will come a point that you could potentially be going for it alone.

If that's okay for you, if it's worth that risk, then I wholeheartedly praise you and wish you all the best. Seriously. But if you're not sure whether you can risk that, then maybe you should think how much you truly want it. Just a thought!

Well, it's super late here, so I'm off to bed, I just wanted to get that little nugget of philosophy out there because it's been eating away at me!

Because apparently, there are challenges out there that I find it physically impossible to give up on... No matter how foolish it may be, or how much it hurts to fall down, or how illogical it is to keep getting back up.

Because to me, when something is that important, deciding to walk away is just as insane as deciding not to breathe.

But I guess that's just part of the confusing roller coaster ride that is life!

Thanks for reading, over and out.